Now that No Way Out has passed, it’s officially WrestleMania hype-up season. Allow me to kick off that season officially on The Steel Cage with (mostly) baseless speculation. Here’s how I see the card playing out at this juncture:
Let’s start with the WWE Championship and new (old) champ Triple-H. As much of a surprise Edge’s relinquishment was, I was a little disappointed that the belt didn’t go to the dead man. Regardless, who will challenge for the title? Consensus at our local watering hole was that now that Raw has a heel champ, Orton will jump over to SmackDown to challenge HHH. I’d say that makes the most sense, considering both plot and promotion.
That would leave Cena free to challenge to regain his title against Edge. Honestly, that’s okay by me. You know I’m not a Cena lover, but he needs to be in a major match at WrestleMania, and Edge can build a good rivalry with Cena over the coming weeks. It’s not my dream WrestleMania title feud between Cena and Jericho (which I think would awaken Cena’s dormant mic talent), but it would do.
Now, to the real speculation: what the hell does Mickey Rourke have to do with all of this? I’m not too enthused about the way this angle is going. I wasn’t too enthused about how it started, either. First off, Jericho should have a bigger match than the cutesy guest-celebrity match. Yeah, it’s nice that Jericho is getting the mainstream exposure that comes with it, but come on — the celebrity match is normally the least compelling, most predictable match of the night (guess what? The guest celebrity will win in an amazing comeback!).
Secondly, where exactly are they going with this? My buddy’s theory is that Rourke agreed to participate, then heard that his involvement might hurt his chances at winning the Oscar. Once the ceremony passes (on February 22, says the internet machine), Rourke will be back in and this silly Ric Flair un-retirement suggestion will fall by the wayside. I think the theory has merits.
Assuming the theory is correct, there’s still one huge question mark: how can you get fans behind a match between a major Superstar and one or two aging men with no business in the ring? Rourke was a boxer, sure, but he’s 57. Ric Flair is 60. At this stage, nothing is believable. The only thing that might work would be if Rourke decided to have an actual wrestler in his corner… like Umaga. And the loser would have to shave his head or something. That’s an exciting idea that’s never been done before, right?
Ugh.
And what kayfabe motivation does Jericho have to even participate in such a farce? A Hollywood actor mentioned your name on some crap syndicated entertainment show, and now you’re getting butt-hurt? You were WWE Champion mere weeks ago! The writers have given Jericho nothing to work with. He’s trying his best (that segment with Flair, creepy as it was, had its moments), but I am not excited.
Okay, rant over. Let’s move on to the rest of the card.
To a happier point, the Money in the Bank match will make its return, and I can’t wait. Result aside, it was the second-best match of last year’s show, so I have high hopes. What mid-level Superstar will get a surprise victory? There are lots of possibilities, but I have a couple initial thoughts. The obvious “surprise” winner, in my mind, is Kofi Kingston. He’s catching on moderately as a face, he’s a high-flyer who can make a ladder match entertaining, and Vince has been promoting him more than I like. He reminds me of a less infuriating CM Punk, so he’ll be my cynical prediction as MotB winner. My hopeful prediction is that Christian gets a slot and wipes the floor with everyone. That would please me.
What about the ladies? Personally, I want a Melina-Phoenix rematch. Beth Phoenix is by far their most believable and entertaining wrestler, and her manager(s) are outstanding. Santino on a big stage and Rosa Mendez dressed to the nines? Yes please.
Now, the real question: who’s posing for Playboy? They’ve had a Diva on the cover every year since 2003; they have to continue the tradition. According to various sources I read in the last five minutes, Kelly Kelly turned down the opportunity, which is a borderline tragedy. I read speculation that Michelle McCool will be in, or possibly Layla. I’d be 100% okay with any or all of them, but my long-shot hope is Alicia Fox. Or another Maria spread. Just throwing that out there.
(And now begins the countdown to the inevitable “Please let it be Mickie James!” comment…)
Umm… what else was there to talk about? Oh yeah, other belts. Uh… I bet Tommy Dreamer challenges and beats Swagger for the ECW belt. That would be a nice arc for Dreamer’s supposed swan song. He has another title run in him, I think.
Any other matches you want to see? I’m still holding out hope that Flair and Rourke will fall through and that Jericho will weasel his way into one of the championship matches. I’m an optimist.
-Darrell
I just watched Bret vs. Owen at Wrestlemania X. That match was great. That was, in my opinion, the best brother/brother storyline ever. I think the Hardys can put on some matches equally as awesome.