The Steel Cage

Don’t Be a Star, Be an Adult

Darrell — Fri, 18 May 2012 23:06:27 +0000

For the last couple years, the WWE has run an anti-bullying campaign called “Be A Star”. As an avid rasslin’ fan, I see the ads all the time — various wrestlers stand in front of a white background to talk about how they were made fun of as children. The oddest confession is that from Sheamus, a seven-foot-tall, muscular Irishman with shocking red hair and skin the color of Elmer’s glue. He said that kids called him “fat”. You mean they didn’t go with “ginger” or “paleface” or “my god I can see your heart beating through your translucent chest”? Sheamus’s corner of Ireland had some unimaginative name-calling.

I digress. The Be A Star campaign has been going full-force for quite awhile. In addition to the ads, wrestlers make a lot of public appearances to decry the horrors of being called a mean name. They visit schools nationwide to say yes, I know I can dead-lift a yak, but back when I was a kid it wasn’t all roses. People made fun of me at school! Called me skinny! Called me fat! Never mind that on RAW not too long ago, Triple-H called CM Punk a “skinny fat-ass”. I was amazed that Punk didn’t cry and run away, or at least call Vince McMahon to upbraid Triple-H for engaging in such blatant bullying activity.

Why didn’t it happen this way? Not because it’s wrestling, but because these are grown men who understand that insults are about as harmful as you choose to make them. That’s the fundamental lesson I’ve learned from watching wrestling as a kid. When one wrestler insulted another in a promo for a big match, I never thought “Don’t say that, Stone Cold, you might hurt Undertaker’s feelings!” Instead, I thought, “Careful, Stone Cold, if you make him too mad, you’re gonna pay for it at Summerslam!”

Yes, children should be taught not to insult each other. But the WWE taught me through years of Monday Night RAW that no matter how hurtful a person’s words might be, it’s still up to me to decide how to react to it. Do I let the heel “win” by letting him get under my skin and thus put me off my game at Judgment Day? Or do I “rise above” it and use it to fuel my eventual victory? The WWE’s message for decades hasn’t been “don’t be a bully” — it’s been “don’t let bullies bother you”.

The WWE is embodying this message right now — last Monday, RAW General Manager John Laurinaitis decreed that anyone insulting him or making fun of his (raspy, Super-Dave-Osbournesque) voice would suffer “serious consequences”. Predictably, someone (The Big Show, this time around) was caught backstage making fun of Laurinaitis’s voice. Show was subsequently shamed into apologizing. Repeatedly. It was a pointless set of promos, but it makes my argument more salient because Big Show was the good guy in this situation. Laurinaitis was rightly painted as a thin-skinned asshole who uses his perceived power to build his own ego. In other words, he’s a bully — an actual bully — not some jerk who manages to succeed at making you feel bad.

-Darrell

Originally posted on May 11 at zazzumplop.com. You can follow Darrell on Twitter at @zazzumplop and sometimes (when he’s feeling extra witty) at @nostraslammus

King of the Zing Finals

schlizzag — Fri, 18 May 2012 18:44:31 +0000

The NBA and the NHL are getting ever closer to their final round of playoffs. So what? We’ve got the biggest matchup around! Professional wrestlers around the world dream of competing for a title as illustrious as King of the Zing – but there can only be one!

Kizarny vs Marty Jannetty [Vote Here]

Love child of Jake "The Snake" Roberts and Doink the Clown

VS.

The Rocker Dropper!

You can’t make this stuff up:

Match of the Year Candidate, 1993:

Podcast Episode 19: Over the Limit Preview

schlizzag — Wed, 16 May 2012 05:53:28 +0000

Paul Heyman delivers yet again as WWE makes a final turn to Over the Limit. We make our bold predictions for this Sunday’s PPV, talk about tag teams in the 90′s, and debate about what the “Revolution” viral video could be about.

Hosted by: Darrell (@zazzumplop / @nostraslammus)

Featuring: Joshua Schlag (@thesteelcage / @schlizzag), Jared ‘The Jew’ (@superjew75), and Adam ‘A-Bomb’ Hess (@ahess49)

The Viper

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King of the Zing, Round Two

schlizzag — Wed, 09 May 2012 18:41:22 +0000

Round Two… Fight!

Jinder Mahal vs Kizarny [Vote Here]

Jinder Mahal is Jinder Mahaling.

VS.

Oh nizzo!

Triple Threat Match: Marty Jannetty vs. Mark Henry vs. Tyler Reks [Vote Here]
Under threat of legal action from one Tyler Reks, we have reinstated him into this tournament of fools. May God save our souls.

Podcast Episode 18: Do the Heyman Hustle

schlizzag — Wed, 09 May 2012 05:31:34 +0000

OMG! Paul Heyman is back, folks! Join us as we discuss this, the Road to Over the Limit, and more on this week’s episode of the prodcast.

Hosted by: Joshua Schlag (@thesteelcage / @schlizzag)

Featuring: Jared ‘The Jew’ (@SuperJew75), Darrell (@zazzumplop / @nostraslammus), Bryan ‘Pipe Bomb’ Gregston (@guitarsalad), and Adam ‘A-Bomb’ Hess (@ahess49)

We're Heyman Guys...

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King of the Zing, Round One

schlizzag — Wed, 02 May 2012 23:31:29 +0000

In recent weeks, Curt Hawkins and Tyler Reks have been campaigning on Twitter to “save their jobs” on NXT. I’ve got no beef with Curt Hawkins (his run with Zack Ryder as Edge #1 and Edge #2 was fun) but Tyler Reks does nothing for me. I may have let him know, and he let’s just say he didn’t simply lay down for the three count.

@thesteelcage cause being a smart ass like that will definitely get your “intelligent” podcast over.

— Tyler Reks (@Tyler_Reks) April 28, 2012

In honor of Tyler Reks calling us out for being smart asses, we’ve decided to crown the first ever King of the Zing. We’ve placed eight wrestlers whom we love to talk about into a single elimination tournament that will take place on our Facebook page over the next three weeks.

There’s no real criteria for how to vote – it’s up to you. Let your voice be heard!

Ludvig Borga vs Marty Jannetty [Vote Here]

Stupid Americans.

Ludvig Borga, RIP. All I remember about this cantankerous Nordic was his feuds with Lex Luger and Tatanka. His kryptonite was “USA!” chants.

Barbershop Window

Marty Jannetty, RIP. Just kidding. I know.

Nikki Bella vs Mark Henry [Click Here]
An epic showdown between #MarkHenryIsFat and #FatBella.

#BeatASU

Well, Nikki – they finally gave you a (brief) run with the Divas Championship before you left us. We enjoyed watching you walk away. And we know, of course you’re not really fat…

Sexual Chocolate

But Mark Henry is.

Jinder Mahal vs The Great Khali [Click Here]

cc: @ahess49 @zazzumplop @kingsrule5 RT @martyderosa: I call tweeting while eating tweating. I call crying while pooping Jinder Mahaling.

— The Steel Cage (@thesteelcage) February 18, 2012

Jinder Mahal is a big man with a charisma problem. WWE tends to always have too many of those. It’s kind of their thing. Maybe he’ll figure it out one day – until then, he’s relegated to poop jokes. Thanks, Marty DeRosa!

Utter nonsense.

And Khali? The big man can’t take a bump, and his most devastating move is a chop to the head. We also have him to thank for the travesty known as the Punjabi Prison match. Lastly, I had to watch The Undertaker job to him in person. For this reason, Khali sucks.

Kizarny vs Tyler Reks [Click Here]

Lol RT @thesteelcage: We did it folks! We recorded a podcast without ANY mention of Kizarney! That’s for you, @sinnbodhi I know you were…

— Sinn Bodhi – Kizarny (@SiNNbODHi) April 18, 2012

Thank you Kizarny! Love, your number one fans.

T-Reks Approved

And Tyler Reks? Well.. Go back to the beginning of this post. He earned it.

Podcast Episode 17: The Steel Cage Podcast, Starring Brock Lesnar

schlizzag — Wed, 02 May 2012 06:18:20 +0000

This week brought us new tag team champions, broken arms, and an understated farewell to everyone’s favorite twins. Throw in a Beat the Clock Challenge and you’ve got the makings of a decent Raw to follow up Extreme Rules.

Hosted by: Adam ‘A-Bomb’ Hess (@ahess49)

Featuring: Jared ‘The Jew’ (@SuperJew75), Darrell (@zazzumplop / @nostraslammus), Bryan ‘Pipe Bomb’ Gregston (@guitarsalad), and Joshua Schlag (@thesteelcage / @schlizzag)

Bork Laser

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Podcast Episode 16.5: Extreme Rules Reactions

schlizzag — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 05:46:09 +0000

WWE does it again with a solid showing at the 2012 Extreme Rules PPV from Chicago, IL. Relive the fun with us as we recap a night of ridiculousness and ultraviolence. And what’s next for both Lesnar and Cena?

Hosted by: Joshua Schlag (@thesteelcage / @schlizzag)

Featuring: Jared ‘The Jew’ (@SuperJew75), Adam ‘A-Bomb’ Hess (@ahess49), Bryan ‘Pipe Bomb’ Gregston (@guitarsalad), and Katie ‘I Like Tacos’ Meyer (@katie_meyer)

HERE COMES THE PAIN. No, really.

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Podcast Episode 16: #FatBella Ichiban

schlizzag — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 06:45:52 +0000

The Road to Extreme Rules closed out with a three hour episode of Monday Night Raw! Lots of promos, decent matches, and nicely wrapped storylines lead us into the WrestleMania follow-up PPV. In addition, we pay homage to Dick Clark with our own version of WWE Pyramid. Can’t wait for Sunday!

Hosted by: Darrell ‘Nostraslammus’ Johnson (@zazzumplop / @nostraslammus)

Featuring: Joshua Schlag (@thesteelcage / @schlizzag), Jared ‘The Jew’ (@SuperJew75), Adam ‘Tensai Ichiban’ Hess (@ahess49), with a special appearance from Manuel ‘The Rated-X Super Mex’

RIP Dick Clark

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Podcast Episode 15: Behind the Green Mist

schlizzag — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 05:55:14 +0000

Raw from London was a fun show, but we’re all struggling with some of what’s been going on during this ever so tenuous Road to Extreme Rules… They’re calling it that, right?

My eyes! The goggles do nothing!

Hosted by: Jared ‘The Jew’ (@SuperJew75)

Featuring: Darrell ‘Nostraslammus’ Johnson (@zazzumplop / @nostraslammus), Adam ‘A-Bomb’ Hess (@ahess49), Joshua Schlag (@thesteelcage / @schlizzag)

Subscribe via iTunes: [Click here].

Listen via Stitcher: [Click here].