Not going to lie.. overall, I was not impressed with tonight’s PPV.

Both Elimination Chamber matches delivered, and The Miz put on a good match against MVP. Everything in between was horrible. I’m going to get the complaining out of the way, as there was a lot of good stuff tonight that I’d like to talk about as well, so please bear with me..

After a solid finish with a believable tap out by Triple H to give Cena the title, Vince came out and gave the belt away to Batista. Yes, Batista. Why, dear God… why??? The world’s most uninteresting man now holds the WWE title. Lame.

After that, I think there was an Intercontinental Title match.. some Scottish guy and Kane. Borrrrring. We ended up watching the US Hockey Team take it to the Canadians in the meantime.

I wasn’t the only one who was bored with the whole thing.. JTG via twitter during the PPV: “PF CHANGS here I come!!!!!”

The Divas match was a travesty. No title on the line, boring tag match. What’s the point? Are they trying to put us to sleep before the second Chamber match?

Then William Regal (still the 2008 King of the Ring, in case you forgot) and Edge come out to promote the Monday and Tuesday television shows. Really? I mean… really?! Come on, WWE – people paid good money to watch this, and this is what you deliver? Disgusting. Though.. it was fun to see Edge spear Regal.

Luckily for us, The Miz decided that he’d save the PPV – he and MVP put on a solid match. Yes, I said that The Miz saved the PPV’s momentum and got us ready for the last match. Hey, who’d have thought he’d have three belts, anyway? Anything is possible… I’m just waiting to see him with a fourth belt.

Finally, the last match came through and granted all of our greatest wishes. Jericho won the title, and the WrestleMania card… well, let’s put it in the words of Alter Bridge: “On this day, I see clearly…”

Here’s my updated WrestleMania XXVI card… I dare WWE to prove me wrong, because it is AWESOME:

Big Show / The Miz vs. The Hart Dynasty, WWE Tag Team Championship
Smackdown / Raw Divas Battle Royal, Women’s / Divas Championship Unification
Randy Orton vs. Legacy, Handicap match
Money in the Bank (Shelton Benjamin, John Morrison, R-Truth, Christian, Ezekiel Jackson, Jack Swagger, MVP, Kofi Kingston)
Cena vs. Batista vs. Triple H, WWE Championship
Edge vs. Jericho, World Heavyweight Championship
Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels, Rematch from WMXXV

I’m so excited for WrestleMania!

And no, that’s not to imply Bill Goldberg. That man would only make the Hall of Shame, for ending Bret Hart’s career.

Anyways, I’d just like to speculate a bit…

Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase and Antonio Inoki are certainly worthy, but it’s clear that WWE has yet to drop the bomb on us, as far as inductees go.

Stu Hart? Owen Hart? With Bret’s appearance at WrestleMania this year… doubtful.

I don’t know who the big name will be, or even if there will be one.

Some realistic thoughts as to who else might make it in, though:

- Ron Simmons
- Mr. Fuji OR Paul Bearer – assuming they’d limit it to one manager
- Debra Miceli (aka Alundra Blaze / Madusa) OR Luna Vachon – assuming they’d limit it to one female
- The Brooklyn Brawler – he deserves recognition for his work not only as a jobber, but behind the scenes and as Doink the Clown
- Duke the Dumpster Droese (kidding)

- Bret Hart vs. Vince McMahon – YES. This WILL happen. Our friend Kevin Eck at the Baltimore Sun doesn’t seem to quite get it (link). The “accident” on Monday in which Bret Hart broke his leg was nothing more than a clever tactic to distract us from Bret’s physical limitations. If he falls down or limps awkwardly, there’s now a kayfabe excuse, and I think it will help sell the match in a huge way! It will no doubt be a street fight in and around the ring, and Bret will finally get his revenge for the Montreal Screwjob.

- Shawn Michaels vs. Triple H – Unable to have his rematch with The Undertaker, Shawn completely loses it, and alienates his DX best buddy in the process. Shawn focuses all of his energy on Triple H, and becomes a man possessed. Mind games for an entire month will build up to this epic showdown.

- Undertaker vs. Edge – ‘Taker retains at the Elimination Chamber, and Edge steps up to the challenge. He knows beating The Undertaker for the belt will mean exponentially more than taking on his former Rated RKO partner. Which leads me to..

- Randy Orton vs. John Cena – Originally, they were going to use Cena in a mixed tag match with Bret against Batista and Vince. They scrapped that idea when they signed their big celebrity guest for WM26. Besides, it’s been played out, but Orton and Cena have great chemistry in the ring together. Speaking of celebrity guests…

- Batista vs. Kanye West – Kanye’s been watching Batista over the past couple of months, and he’s noticed that Batista is as good as he’s ever been. The reason? He’s channeling Kanye’s image, in nearly every way. The battle of d-bag vs. d-bag will be EPIC. Look out for an in ring interruption by The Situation from The Jersey Shore..

I’ll come back and rewrite this whole thing after Elimination Chamber goes down. I’m probably wrong on every account. Frankly, that’s what makes Elimination Chamber the perfect PPV to have prior to WrestleMania. They can change everything, opening the door to a wide range of possibilities for WM main event matches!

In regards to the events of Summerslam, the WWE Universe got “Punk’d” on two different levels.

One – the obvious – CM Punk beat Jeff Hardy after perhaps Hardy’s most incredible jump off a ladder to date.

Two – the already infamous “fan” interference during the Cena / Orton championship match.

If you didn’t catch it, the match was moving at a decent pace, with Cena and Orton trading blows for the first 15 mins or so. At one point, Cena appears to be getting the upper hand. In a classic heel move, Orton pushes the referee, drawing a DQ, and retaining the title.

At that point, Lillian called the match, and declared a NEW champion… but yet declared Orton’s name. About a second later, she declared that Vince was calling for the match to restart, including the stipulation that a DQ would result in a change of title.

Had Lillian just given away the eventual finish? At the time, we surely thought so. She looked rather flustered after the “slip” of words. But in retrospect, I believe that Lillian may have done that on purpose, and it was all part of a work…

Later in the match, Orton grabs the belt and draws a count out victory for Cena. Again, Lillian declares that Vince wants the match to go on, and that a count out would be cause for a title change as well.

Fast forward just a bit, and Orton pins Cena with his feet on the ropes for leverage (the top rope, at that… haha).

ANOTHER restart has to take place, as a second referee comes down to notify the original ref of the interference! Can you believe the circus this match has become? Seriously!

Eventually Cena gets Orton in the STFU (or whatever they’re calling it these days), and as Orton is perhaps getting ready to tap, a “fan” slides into the ring and puts the referee in a rear naked choke hold. The ref looked like he was really hurting, and Cena and Orton both looked shocked / appalled / dismayed. Had this “fan” just ruined the true finish?

Well, what else to do but find a way to end the match. Perhaps at this point, Vince called down to the ref’s headset and said “screw it – let’s just keep the belt on Orton and make another match down the road.” So Orton immediately hits two RKO’s and gets the pinfall victory.

I was satisfied with that explanation, until later in the night when I started to get the internet’s take on what happened.

It could be that the WWE creative team had managed to pull off the greatest “punk’d” moment on us – the intelligent wrestling fan base. Perhaps – mind you, I’m just speculating – but perhaps, Lillian “screwed up” on purpose. They wanted us to believe Cena would win. And then later, when the “fan” ran into the ring, they wanted us to think that the wrestlers and referee were at a loss for words and had to improvise something really quickly. I must say… they did a hell of a job, if that’s what they were trying to do. They didn’t even replay the “fan” incident and tried to avoid making mention of it on the broadcast!

Online rumors seem to all point at Ted Dibiase’s brother – yes, another Dibiase – who had been training at FCW – to be the “fan” who was choking out the referee. That being the case, this all makes sense. The up and coming Ted Dibiase turns face (as has been hinted at for months, now), and his brother steps in to continue with Twink Rhodes as Legacy, once the DX storyline blows over.

I’m embarassed. I really thought I knew what was going on. Haha. Times like these are the most fun as a fan. Keep it up, guys.

The fact that he’s on the cover of the latest Muscle and Fitness is a good sign that he may come out victorious at Night of Champions. I’d place my money on him, at least.

Now that No Way Out has passed, it’s officially WrestleMania hype-up season. Allow me to kick off that season officially on The Steel Cage with (mostly) baseless speculation. Here’s how I see the card playing out at this juncture:

Let’s start with the WWE Championship and new (old) champ Triple-H. As much of a surprise Edge’s relinquishment was, I was a little disappointed that the belt didn’t go to the dead man. Regardless, who will challenge for the title? Consensus at our local watering hole was that now that Raw has a heel champ, Orton will jump over to SmackDown to challenge HHH. I’d say that makes the most sense, considering both plot and promotion.

That would leave Cena free to challenge to regain his title against Edge. Honestly, that’s okay by me. You know I’m not a Cena lover, but he needs to be in a major match at WrestleMania, and Edge can build a good rivalry with Cena over the coming weeks. It’s not my dream WrestleMania title feud between Cena and Jericho (which I think would awaken Cena’s dormant mic talent), but it would do.

Now, to the real speculation: what the hell does Mickey Rourke have to do with all of this? I’m not too enthused about the way this angle is going. I wasn’t too enthused about how it started, either. First off, Jericho should have a bigger match than the cutesy guest-celebrity match. Yeah, it’s nice that Jericho is getting the mainstream exposure that comes with it, but come on — the celebrity match is normally the least compelling, most predictable match of the night (guess what? The guest celebrity will win in an amazing comeback!).

Secondly, where exactly are they going with this? My buddy’s theory is that Rourke agreed to participate, then heard that his involvement might hurt his chances at winning the Oscar. Once the ceremony passes (on February 22, says the internet machine), Rourke will be back in and this silly Ric Flair un-retirement suggestion will fall by the wayside. I think the theory has merits.

Assuming the theory is correct, there’s still one huge question mark: how can you get fans behind a match between a major Superstar and one or two aging men with no business in the ring? Rourke was a boxer, sure, but he’s 57. Ric Flair is 60. At this stage, nothing is believable. The only thing that might work would be if Rourke decided to have an actual wrestler in his corner… like Umaga. And the loser would have to shave his head or something. That’s an exciting idea that’s never been done before, right?

Ugh.

And what kayfabe motivation does Jericho have to even participate in such a farce? A Hollywood actor mentioned your name on some crap syndicated entertainment show, and now you’re getting butt-hurt? You were WWE Champion mere weeks ago! The writers have given Jericho nothing to work with. He’s trying his best (that segment with Flair, creepy as it was, had its moments), but I am not excited.

Okay, rant over. Let’s move on to the rest of the card.

To a happier point, the Money in the Bank match will make its return, and I can’t wait. Result aside, it was the second-best match of last year’s show, so I have high hopes. What mid-level Superstar will get a surprise victory? There are lots of possibilities, but I have a couple initial thoughts. The obvious “surprise” winner, in my mind, is Kofi Kingston. He’s catching on moderately as a face, he’s a high-flyer who can make a ladder match entertaining, and Vince has been promoting him more than I like. He reminds me of a less infuriating CM Punk, so he’ll be my cynical prediction as MotB winner. My hopeful prediction is that Christian gets a slot and wipes the floor with everyone. That would please me.

What about the ladies? Personally, I want a Melina-Phoenix rematch. Beth Phoenix is by far their most believable and entertaining wrestler, and her manager(s) are outstanding. Santino on a big stage and Rosa Mendez dressed to the nines? Yes please.

Now, the real question: who’s posing for Playboy? They’ve had a Diva on the cover every year since 2003; they have to continue the tradition. According to various sources I read in the last five minutes, Kelly Kelly turned down the opportunity, which is a borderline tragedy. I read speculation that Michelle McCool will be in, or possibly Layla. I’d be 100% okay with any or all of them, but my long-shot hope is Alicia Fox. Or another Maria spread. Just throwing that out there.

(And now begins the countdown to the inevitable “Please let it be Mickie James!” comment…)

Umm… what else was there to talk about? Oh yeah, other belts. Uh… I bet Tommy Dreamer challenges and beats Swagger for the ECW belt. That would be a nice arc for Dreamer’s supposed swan song. He has another title run in him, I think.

Any other matches you want to see? I’m still holding out hope that Flair and Rourke will fall through and that Jericho will weasel his way into one of the championship matches. I’m an optimist.

-Darrell

The internet is buzzing today with the big news that yes – Mickey Rourke will be appearing at Wrestlemania XXV. Need a confirmation? Google rourke wrestlemania, and take your pick.

In an interview, Rourke called out Chris Jericho. What all of this means, however, is still up in the air. Will he wrestle Jericho? Will there merely be an appearance and a brief altercation? Regardless of what actually happens, there will be a lot of hype and mainstream media attention.

My dream upon dreams is that WWE will get into contact with Ernest “The Cat” Miller, and book Randy the Ram vs. The Ayatollah. Vince – make it so.

…began in Detroit.

A few notes on last night’s Royal Rumble:

- Jack Swagger had a solid (and clean) victory over Matt Hardy, raising my suspicions that WWE has new plans for Matt – confirmed just a bit later in the night..

- Melina might deserve the WWE Women’s Championship, if only for the reason that she is so flexible that Beth Phoenix pulled the “why are you hitting yourself? stop hitting yourself” routine with Melina’s own foot to the back of her head. You had to see it.

- The writers missed the mark on a perfect match ending, when the referee stayed knocked out for just a bit too long after HBK superkicked both JBL and Cena. Though, to be honest, a JBL championship right now wouldn’t necessarily have been a good thing. Meh. By the way, did you see The Undertaker confront HBK? I smell a possible Wrestlemania matchup, and it could be an amazing “return” of The Showstopper!

- So yeah, the Heavyweight Title match. Jeff Hardy looked about as stupid as ever with his face paint, and he rightfully lost the title. Two interesting things in this match. 1 – Jeff nearly faceplanted on the side of the table when he screwed up a jump off the ladder. How does that even happen??? If anybody knows how to jump off of a ladder properly, I would think it would be that guy. 2 – Matt Hardy’s heel turn. I saw it coming, and I’m glad it happened. Lots of people were expecting Christian to make his WWE return during this match, but I like the Hardy vs. Hardy implications a lot more. Christian will be able have a solid impact, and it doesn’t have to involve the Hardys.

- Randy Orton won the Royal Rumble and nobody was surprised. The match itself did not disappoint, and was exciting as any other Royal Rumble main event. To make it even better, we divided up competitors at random and pooled together a cash prize for whoever had the most eliminations. I did not win. My team? Kofi Kingston, Ted DiBiase, The Miz, and The Brian Kendrick. Yeah, I know.

- BTW, make sure and check out the Divas photo shoot over on WWE.com. I need a tissue, to wipe up the uh, drool.

I know, this is old news. Last week on Raw, Jericho was “fired” by acting Raw G.M., Stephanie McMahon.

Well, I just noticed today that they have extended such storyline elements to the web, including the WWE Universe web site.

It has been noticed that previously fired employees have had their profiles shut down, citing a Terms of Service violation. Jericho’s account has been given the same treatment, even though we all expect him to be reinstated tonight by Vince.

Currently, a visit to http://fans.wwe.com/chrisjericho brings you to this screen:

Bravo, Joey Styles. I do like what you’ve been doing online.

Sure, it’s “just” the ECW Championship, but what did I say about Jack Swagger? The kid’s got talent; Vince loves him because he’s big and athletic. His mic skills are likely to just get better – he seems to have that charisma that is needed to get to the top. Right now, he’s got the silver belt – look to see him wearing gold in due time..

Also, I just noticed that WWE.com is promoting Victoria’s matchup tonight as her retirement match. I haven’t done my research, and therefore I do hope this is kayfabe. It could be one of those storyline elements that leads her to a title match down the line – the title she has been deserving for quite some time now. If you can’t tell, my vote for most underrated/underutilized female talent: Victoria, by a longshot.

Update (1/19/09): According to Lisa Marie Varon’s latest MySpace blog entry, she is indeed retiring… from WWE. It sounds like she had grown tired with being so underutilized, and has decided to move on with her life. Be it a jump to TNA or a true pursuit of her other passions in life, I wish her the best!